< Codey’s World < Blue < Poetry < Meandering Musings
Title: audio Meandering Musings
Author: Blue Ben W. Narrator: Blue Ben W.
Kind: Poem Type: MP3 Time: 00:06:00 Size: 8.24 MB
-->

Meandering Musings

By Blue / Ben W. ~ 2008-07-09

  1. How do I say what needs to be said?
  2. How do I make the change?
  3. Who am I telling?
  4. Me? You? The world? Who?
  5. So many things occur to me.
  6. Yet I don’t know
  7. If my words have any effect.
  8. I don’t see much change in myself
  9. From my own advice
  10. So why do I bother to give it?
  11. It seems like no matter what I say
  12. No one, not even me, quite understands.
  13. So what is the use? What should I do?
  14.  
  15. And yet…
  16. People say they like me, sometimes.
  17. People listen, a little, maybe.
  18. People keep telling me what’s in their life
  19. Without me ever even asking.
  20. That woman in the grocery store
  21. She just needed to unload and ask?
  22. And all I did was listen and say it’s OK.
  23. What was that? Did I help any?
  24. Why did it happen?
  25.  
  26. What are all these events in my life?
  27. Times when I feel like I’ve done good.
  28. Times when I feel like I’ve failed.
  29. Times when life dumped things
  30. I didn’t expect, or know how to handle.
  31. What am I supposed to learn?
  32. How do I change me?
  33. How do I bring that change to others?
  34.  
  35. What are all these people in my life?
  36. Friends I love dearly, and a few who love me.
  37. I’m grateful, but what about when we don’t get along?
  38. What is it? Is there something fundamentally wrong with me?
  39. How can I fix a thing I don’t even know is there?
  40. I can’t even fix the things I do know are there.
  41.  
  42. Friends I care about, who don’t seem to care back.
  43. What do I do about that? I like them, even so.
  44. Are they really friends, or am I fooling myself?
  45. People I want to know better, yet they keep away
  46. While I keep too distant from people right near.
  47. I want to do some good, so my life means anything
  48. So there’s some reason that mattered, when I’m gone.
  49. I honestly don’t know if anyone will remember.
  50. When they clear out my stuff, what I wrote, what I drew
  51. And all the things that mattered to me
  52. And after all the people I loved are gone.
  53.  
  54. I miss some people I really love, still love.
  55. They’ve moved on. They’re far away, and gone.
  56. While I am left alone. What was all that?
  57. Yet while we had it, our friendship was true.
  58. It meant something. It still does. To me, anyway.
  59. Some are no longer friends. Why is that so?
  60. A breakup, minds that didn’t agree, hearts broken apart.
  61. Or simply drifting away, through mutual neglect.
  62.  
  63. Some are not here, no longer on this earth.
  64. They died… too soon. For any who loved them.
  65. But some, oh some, I’d give almost anything
  66. If they could be well and still here.
  67. At least with them, I believe we’ll see each other again
  68. Someday, when my life is done and my time comes.
  69. It will feel so good to hug them again,
  70. To sit and talk with my family and friends.
  71.  
  72. What of my friends online, so far but as near as my screen?
  73. A few of them, I wish, could be in my life
  74. Together, in person, in the same room
  75. Imperfections and all, for who we are.
  76. Maybe time will bring us together.
  77. Maybe we’ll let go of those fears
  78. After how many long distance years.
  79. Or maybe we never will, I don’t know.
  80. But I think it’d be ashame if it meant that little
  81. After all that time in friendship, sharing truths.
  82. Will we meet and discover we’re good friends for real?
  83. Will we find we’re not quite who we thought?
  84. What if we find the fault’s not in our onlines, but in ourselves?
  85. Or maybe, just maybe, we’ll find in our friends
  86. That even though we might not be exactly who we thought
  87. Our friendship will add a new level, new layers.
  88. Where added to that great online friend, family, pen pal
  89. We discover there’s more nuance and depth in the person
  90. When we know the rest of them right up close
  91. Flesh and blood, and spirit, the sound and sight and touch
  92. When a friend can really hug, beyond text on a screen.
  93.  
  94. So many things are mysteries
  95. Too much to comprehend
  96. We only see glimpses, hear echoes, now and then.
  97. These things that I wonder, I may never resolve.
  98. But I find they’re worth thinking about.
  99. I can’t help but feel things, I can’t shut it off.
  100. I care about who and what I believe in.
  101. I feel how I feel and I think how I think.
  102.  
  103. I know it’s true, you may never understand me.
  104. You may never get to know the real me here inside.
  105. Likewise, I may never understand you
  106. I may never get to know the real you there inside.
  107. But I hope, even so, somehow, we’ll be friends.